You ask: “Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”
And the mirror responds,
“Not you. You are not the fairest. You are not the most attractive. You are not the prettiest.”
**Heart sinks.**
Would you keep a mirror around that actually said that to you?
No. Of course not!
But you do listen to this mirror and you believe what it tells you. This mirror is the voice in your head that constantly tells you that you are not attractive enough.
And you eat it up!
You listen. You believe. You do not even question it!
And because you BELIEVE that you are not attractive enough, why bother even trying to find love?
From childhood we are taught to compare ourselves to others. We are taught in movies and TV that there is a standard of beauty and we need to measure up!
Our pursuit of beauty is influenced by global media and celebrity culture.
Hollywood affects our society’s perception of beauty. Whether your exposure to celebrities is through television, movies, or tabloid covers in supermarket checkout lines, the barrage of the enhanced and heavily edited ‘ideal’ is undeniable.
Hollywood is the main influencer in society’s preoccupation with appearance. Just look at the fashion, cosmetics and diet industries. They are a clear indication that Hollywood has profound influence on what we view as attractive. And according to Hollywood, you have it or you don’t.
This concern for being attractive enough is an obsession.
There were about 4,470,000 results on Google when I typed in “I’m not pretty enough to get a boyfriend.”
Thousands of people a day are typing into Google some variation of this fairy tale: “I’m not attractive enough.
“I’m not pretty enough.”
“I’m not attractive enough to date.”
“I don’t feel pretty enough.”
And when I am on the phone with potential clients and we start to discuss what could be slowing them down in having the relationship they want, about 33% of the time they will say that they are not attractive enough. They believe that because they think they are not attractive enough that is why they are not finding a relationship. It usually turns out that the main reason is because they are not taking action and putting themselves out there, but for some reason, they initially think that it has to do with their level of attractiveness.
I’m here to say that this fairy tale: “I’m not attractive enough” is bogus.
“Attractive enough” doesn’t exist because no one gets to decide what pretty is as a standard.
But that is what Hollywood has done.
It has chosen what is considered beautiful by glorifying certain looks, and we have fallen for this perspective of beauty it hook, line and sinker.
Everyone assimilates the media’s standard of beauty. They judge beauty by that standard.
What does this cause? When you look at yourself in the mirror, you see that you don’t fit the standard. Eventually you sigh, and give up. “I’m not beautiful,” you think.
This is not your fault. This fairy tale has us all screwed up in the head because we have been programmed to think this way by Hollywood.
And did you know that this fairy tale affects men as well as women?
Well, I don’t hear the pretty part. But men do tell men that they think they are not attractive enough and they think that THIS is the thing that is getting in the way of them having the love they want. But again, it’s usually just about them not taking the correct dating actions and not taking some action around feeling handsome. Once these actions start to happen, fun dates start to flow.
This fairy tale is just another limiting belief that has been instilled in your brain by Hollywood, from media, and from Disney.
There’s this whole standard of how you’re supposed to look. It’s all made up. It’s a made up story. And we believe the story. And then we feel bad.
It is so normal in our society to think that you’re not pretty enough and then to collapse that assumption that is the reason why you don’t have love.
Have you ever met anyone who is currently in a relationship who is less attractive than you on this made up pretty scale of beauty?
Your level of attractiveness has nothing to do whether you can have a loving partner or not. Seriously, it doesn’t.
Comparing yourself to others in this way will sabotage your love life. Believing this fairy tale will stop you from having the experience that you really, truly want.
So if you believe that you are not the classic classic beauty, or you are self conscious about your looks, or you think guys just go by looks, you need to see these thoughts for what they are – thoughts are you were programmed to believe by Hollywood.
So if you don’t feel attractive based on Hollywood’s standards, you’re putting the power in someone else’s hands to judge whether you’re attractive or not. You need to take that power back back from Hollywood, back from advertising, back from television.
It’s time to claim your own attractiveness. It’s time to claim your own worthiness. It’s time to claim it for yourself.
How does one claim their own attractiveness?
What actions can you take that would have you feel more attractive and alive?
It’s time to interrupt this fairy tale, “I’m not pretty enough,” because your guy is going to like you just the way you are.
It’s time to like you just the way you are.
And if there are some actions can take that actually make you feel good, and make you feel attractive, then you want to start doing those things ASAP.
Put on that dress.
Lift those weights
Sing that song.
Shake that bootie.
Kickbox that bag.
Go for that hike.
Sit in the sun on the rock.
When clients work with me I teach them to create a pre date feminine ritual. The intention of this ritual is to do things that make you feel alive and attractive.
Take Diane for example, her feminine pre date ritual consisted of a aromatic bath, hair, makeup and a glittery headbands.
She said, “The minute I put on her glittery headband, it’s on. I feel so attractive when I have my glittery headband on.”
This is about you reclaiming your attractiveness and not giving that power to Hollywood.
You get to decide how attractive you are and how you want to show up and feel attractive.
It’s all on you.
It’s time to love yourself.
Time to get away from this fairy tale. This fairy tale, “I’m not attractive enough” is holding you hostage. It’s going to keep you stuck and from taking action. It’s going to keep you feeling bad. So we need to stop that. We need to shift that. OK?